Sexting can be sexy, and a great form of foreplay and anticipation. But, it’s not always a great idea, especially if you are going too far too fast. It can also be creepy and even scary if not done the right way. So what’s the right way? That depends on your relationship.
Just because one girlfriend may have loved your racy messages, doesn’t mean that this one will.
Your first step is communication. “Don’t text until you talk!” says Laurel House, Resident Sex Expert at My First Blush. Communication is the foundation of your relationship and it’s what bridges two people, and turns confusion into clarity and even closeness. “Communicating your likes and dislikes, interests and edges can expand and deepen your relationship,” says House.
Talk about what you think is sexy, what turns you on, and what would turn her on. “Ask her what words she likes/doesn’t like, and tell her your preferences too,” says House. Talk about photos, selfies, and what body parts she and you are most excited by. The perfect time to have this conversation is when you are most open, which is often after sex.
If you haven’t taken your relationship to that level, then talk about it during a very connected moment when out on a date. When you send your first text, start slowly. “More than what you say, consider when you send it,” says House. You don’t want to create a seriously embarrassing moment for her, like if her 14 year old nephew is playing with her phone or her boss is looking over her shoulder!
Sexting is best done with a slow build up. Unless you know that the person you’re sexting is not in public and that they are in the mood, it’s best to open the discussion in vaguer terms.
“It’s sexy to remind them of a recent encounter together,” says Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist, relationship expert and sexpert and the award-winning author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
“I keep daydreaming about the other night.”
“I can still taste you in my mind.”
Tantalize your sexting partner by describing the foreplay moves you’d like to use on them, beginning with above the waist activities such as kisses trailed down their neck. “Do not cut the line straight to wanting to be inside of them,” says Hall.
A dick pic is not a conversation opener and should only be sent if the person indicates that they would like to see one. “If you haven’t had a prior conversation about their preferences, do not assume that they share your butt stuff or threesome fantasy,” says Hall.
Nothing kills the mood faster than not being on the same page, so proceed slowly. The buildup and anticipation is the best part of sexting. “Use of proper grammar, limited number of emojis and double checking for typos are all helpful in keeping things hot,” says Hall.
For example: “I can’t wait to duck you” is going to be a mood killer. Keep these guidelines in mind (and don’t ignore that spell check!) and sexting can be lots of fun and a new area for your sexual relationship – embarrassment free too, we hope!