BDSM

Intro Guide to BDSM

BDSM has likely played a role in sexuality throughout human history. It didn’t become mainstream in modern society, though, until EL James published 50 Shades of Grey in 2011. This novel, alongside its two sequels and film adaptations, introduced people to the concepts of sexual dominance and submission.

Today, you can buy BDSM equipment and toys at just about any adult store. Many people, though, still don’t understand what BDSM is, why it’s appealing, or how to engage in it.BDSM

Understand the Roles Partners Can Play

BDSM stands for “bondage, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism.”

In case you’re not familiar with sadomasochism, it involves receiving pleasure from pain or humiliation. Don’t let that scare you away from BDSM, though. There are infinite levels of sadomasochism that couples can explore.

Typically, when couples decide to try BDSM, one plays a dominant role and the other plays a submissive role. The dominant one gives commands and the submissive one follows those commands.

Commands could involve anything from performing sexual acts to accepting physical punishment, such as whipping, slapping, or more extreme behaviors. (You can look them up yourself, but be warned that you can’t unsee some things.)

In an interview with Peoplesex expert Stephanie Hunter Jones says that “the submissive is actually in control in any BDSM relationship. While this may sound counter-intuitive, it makes sense once you know that BDSM is largely about giving someone else control until you decide that you’ve had enough.

Set Ground Rules and a Safe Word

Since BDSM can include physical torture, even torture that some people find extremely pleasurable, couples must set ground rules that establish their boundaries. For instance, if you’re submissive, you may tell your partner that you want your eyes uncovered so you can see what’s happening at all times, or you may decide that you don’t want to try any anal play.

Many people enjoy pushing their boundaries, so they may let dominant partners do things that make them feel uncomfortable. As people move outside of their comfort zones, they may experience feelings that make them cry or beg for the activities to stop. The session does not end, however, until someone says the safe word. The moment the safe word is spoken, though, everything stops.

Choose a Partner You Can Trust

BDSM requires trust, so you should choose your partners carefully.BDSM

New York Post writer Gabrielle Fonrouge describes an encounter between a woman and Soros fund portfolio manager Howard Rubin that proves the importance of trust. The woman had agreed to participate in some BDSM-style sex with Rubin. When things got too intense, she said her safe word. Rubin, however, did not stop. By ignoring her safe word, he allegedly turned a mutual experience into rape.

Guys, it’s not enough to know that a woman’s into you. If she’s playing the submissive role, then you need to stop when she says her safe word. If you don’t stop, then you’re not having sex anymore. You’re committing rape. Please understand that there’s a big difference between BDSM and forcing a woman into something she doesn’t want to do.

It Isn’t All Physical

BDSM usually includes a physical element, but much of it is mental. It can start early in the evening before you’ve even mentioned your bedroom. It could start at dinner when you tell her to go to the restroom and take her underwear off. It could begin by arriving late to your date. Why not get a new haircut and pretend that you’re a stranger? Check out our HCO-1 conditioner to make sure your hair stays healthy and strong, too.

If you decide to engage in BDSM, choose a partner you trust, set boundaries, choose a safe word, and respect each other. You may discover a new kink that spices up your sex life.